Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Haunted by the Ghost of Him

He had me.
Right in the palm of his hands.
Yet...
He did nothing.

When the one you love is actually the ghost of the man who walks this earth, it is difficult to tell the heart that the one we love is just an astral body - the higher consciousness of the one whose name is on our heart.  The corporeal figure seems to want nothing to do with me... and my only speculation is this is due cause he would not be able to hide from me.

I know in my life, that this man would have received great blessings, very early in his life, if he chose to love me in a way that was built on friendship, and based in trust.

You cannot MAKE a Scorpio trust you.  I learned that a LONG time ago.  But what is also true, is that you cannot MAKE a Taurus lose the love in her heart so easily.  Both stubborn as fuck, and to watch these two dance a detangled tango is dizzying... but when it works - oh lord break out the fireworks.  But that is not the purpose of this post.  This blog is as much of an open wound as I am about to share with the world.  You see I am that Taurus, and the Scorpio that has my adoration is too close for comfort - quite literally.
I never fell in love with this man, for that would mean I would have lost my wits.
And so I am not falling out of love with him, that would mean I was a fool to fall twice.
My eyes have been open, and I have peered into the assholeness of this lad, and been in awe of his brilliance.  But one single moment remains when my heart chose him.  A simple conversation.  He confessed to me of him questioning the reality around him.  And I thought "YES! He is awakening." only to find that no he was not, he was just being an asshole.  The kindness and platonic affection we did playfully share with one another for a while, until... recently, was fantastic.  I thought for sure he and I would at least have an affair. But no.
We share one thing though... our dreamworld.
I feel him, and know his higher self desires my love.
I know he feels me too - yet is not obvious with his knowing.
His psychic abilities are on point, but his physical actions are fouled. 
There is so much more to him, than many would see - but now he won't let me see him.  This saddens me.  So while I write this out, know my heart is heavy, for a man whose spark ignited a flame in me, a woman who loves the ghost of the man she craves, since the physical man is not yet ready to grow within himself, and acknowledge the unique bond he shares with her.
Love is such that we are shamed to share it
In a society that would prefer drama and tension over joy.

My heart is heavy this night, and if my fellow Scorpio should happen to hear the words that pour from my soul, may he always know, that he helped me, when I needed him most.

~In mournful loss,
Arthena Sophia