Murder On My Mind

There is a calm among madness which stirs up thoughts of such ferocity, that man has not ever seen.  It is the mind of the one who desires restoration, balance, and selflessness.  It is the mind tired of those who have taken, and spit upon the misfortune of others.  It is the mind of the high priestess of whole-istic magick.  And it is the mind of myself.  Thanks to a very very strong sense of right/wrong, I know it is not honorable to kill another just cause they perturb me.  But there are moments, like today, when I need an outlet.  When I want a "purge" to take place and to annihilate those who would disrupt my peace.

I target those who are selfish, and lost so far into the program, that rehabilitation is not possible.  I have thoughts of purging their soul of evil so that they would return to a world and live in harmony, to find the love and acceptance then need to be held in grace.  

But my thoughts, these thoughts are my own torment, for I feed them the blood lust they need by mentally enacting scenes of rage and violence only a Tarantino film could emulate.  This is part of the darkness of my soul, this is the part of the side of me I hide - until tonight, where energy is being harvested during a vast hypnosis known as "american football".  I have fantasies of destroying arenas, of annihilating those who participate in rituals of the dark harvest - yet... sometimes, people I love attend. And sometimes - people are just so young and needing a distraction, their fear of self discovery carpeted over like a stain on the floor.

I am working, quite diligently to keep my sanity at this time, to not allow my own madness enough rope to actually act out on these dark thoughts - but they are there, and they want action.  So instead I write.  I write them here to give them a voice, and to share, that some of us who really want to enact a scene from a Kali-Ma greeting card, are strong enough to not engage in physical activity to support this.  That as much as the cabalic forces want me to rage so hard that I lose myself to it - which of course would ultimately destroy the very being I am working so diligently on becoming. 

I am on day 3 of menses, the high point of violent thinking and also of power.  I am also at the point where my body is so tired of being part of the minority that sees the disruption, separation and division that sport activities create.  Yet, I am also aware that I live of a time of transition.  We are removing the times of illusion, and bringing it all to light - so too shall my self that rages.  In time, she will be no more, and in time I will be able to sit in the sun, in peace and bliss, knowing I am complete, and whole in my joy.  So as you have read this, know, that this part of my mind, is kept very well guarded, and on constant surveillance by my own will.  I pray it never become compromised.

-Arthena Sophia-

*Image of Rhianna from her track: "bitch better have my money"*