The Deepest Cut

Ryohei Hase - "Empty hole inside of me"

I found it.
The center of all of my pain, anguish, desperation, longing, and resentment.  It was terrifying.  And yet, now that it is found, I can collect what I need to to start to heal that aspect torn from my whole self.
I did not realize that I had re-told a story so well that even I didn't know my truth... not at this deep of level.  Well, I asked for it, and the corners of my shade were revealed.  I will not go into details, but I am on the path to find out why I self sabotage, and what the reasons are behind it.  Sure I can say because I feel unworthy, and undeserving... but in actuality it is the opposite.  I totally feel I deserve it and am greatly worthy... but I am perturbed that not many others seems to feel this way.  I am tired walking this lonely road of the hermitted over-thinker.  The brilliant female mind among a sea of male condemnation.  I am also tired. Tired of searching, seeking, and yearning for something that is out of my reach.  I chose to stop seeking in my dreams, and as a result of this practice, I have also stopped searching to 'fix' myself in my reality.  I do not know the path I walk, as it is basked in shadow.  I only know that the light within me guides me to a truth which will set me free.  Sadly, I had to cut pretty deep to reveal the skin that was falsely covering up a history of delusion.  As a strong and bold woman, to come face to face with a deep vulnerability was a shame all unto itself.  I do not feel shame, well, I didn't feel shame. Until recently.  I am ashamed that it has taken me so long to uncover this painful part of me.  Yet, as my pain body begins to express itself, I am present to listen and follow up with actions to provide me with clarity, energy, and empowerment renewed. 

To revisit pain, is to see anew, what was once unseen.
May my path provide me with the personal power I deserve, to change my life for the best.

By Arthena Sophia

Delusion or Illumination

Writers are seekers of information.

Some seek truth, others create distractions, and others still combine the two as in "historical fiction".  In observing the different styles of writing and comparing my own, I see only 3 general types of books.  Books on delusion: fantasy, fable, fiction.  Books of Illumination: self-help, texts, biography. And books of regurgitation: anything already written but then re-analyzed but a different author; university or college texts for example.  With the last category, i would love to read a concise book.  So often there is a plethora of drivel in the book that gives kudos to pioneers in the field, addresses how the author came to write this book, and of course, who they would like to thank for leading them on this path.  I propose that authors of regurgitation re-structure their texts/novels as such:

• Research: a list of all sourced to acknowledge.
• Authors Insight: the concise message the author wishes to convey.
• Additional Reading: Suggestions of books read by the author to offer to the reader should they too desire more information.

What I have noticed is that the length of the book is more important than the content, and I would like this stopped.  Of course not everyone will follow my suggestions, as this is merely an observation.  Such an example of a concise book that allows the mind to ponder itself, and yet mirrors many different quotes and examples of such insights is the book "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen.  (A downloadable copy will be linked at the end of this blog entry).  The reason I would like shorter books is I am a read it and reflect on it kinda gal.  I do not always require the verbal diarrhea as to how you or said author came to such a conclusion.  I also don't always give a rats fat ass either.  But the insight, that an author wants to share can be summarized nicely.  Think of it as the cliff-notes of an idea. This differs of course to a story of delusion, where one is being distracted from their own lives by living vicariously through characters, an adventure, or journey.  These books elaborate the details so that when written well, the very set of which this story takes place is so brilliant, the mind creates it with perfection.  Books of Illumination tend to sometimes be like books of regurgitation.  But I would enjoy a self help book to omit the "case study's" or "elaborate examples" of what the author is trying to convey.  A good example of jumping into illumination is "How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less" by Nicholas Boothman.  This 330 pg book can actually change your life if you allow it to permeate through your mind.  A lot of the previously mentioned book can be overlooked or read at a later time.  The one reason I ask for a shorter book of any subjects is that there is so much revisiting previous information that I feel the reader, if they feel called to do so, can go back and find the sources of the material if they want.  I am also finding that because of social media, many seem to want to dominate a conversation or thread with their ideas without allowing others much time to ponder it.  Our society is becoming more an more lazy that anything long, the reader does not wish to read.  I am not saying we omit the insights, wisdom or even appendices or practice offered in some books, I am simply suggesting that a new wave of writers emerge from the depths of shadow when it comes to books of regurgitation and illumination.  Share your perspective/insight/conclusion but do not carry on with the ass licking of former explorers of said subject.  Offer kudos to their work, name them of course, but carry on to your point.

So, to summarize my point in one sentence:
Write with concise insights, and allow the reader to filter what is relevant.

~ by Arthena Sophia

(** The book by James Allen:  http://asamanthinketh.net/ **)