Hermitting Among Trees

I have city sickness.


This is a mental disorder not yet published by psychologists or persons within the mental health research facilities.  It exhibits as Anthropophobia (yet I am not afraid), and depression, and anxiety.  Yet I have a strong pull to be in nature - an even stronger aversion to be away from people.

I love the sun, and the river, and the wild life, and the trees... oh the trees.  I love dirt under my feet and the breeze in my hair.  Yet I strongly, and with great passion, detest people.  I spend hours during sunny days in my apartment, wishing I could live in the open air, and far far away from any living person.  I dream of isolation and the quiet of the machines as I sit by the moving water and allow the forest to embrace me.

There are days when I am able to handle the urban jungle, and my interactions with the human race that dwells around me.  But their music, chatter of things that don't matter, loud machines, and ignorance really gets to me at times.  I would score high on depression tests, and even in need with anger management intervention.  But these are just symptoms.  I am suffering at the hands of capitalism - in a way much greater than most talk about.

I don't like people.  At the core, I would drop a bomb on us all.  We are selfish, cruel, greedy, insecure, arrogant, and evil creatures.  Yes I am aware of the few or many who are beautiful spirits... but not around me, and lately, not within me.

I fantasize about mass attacks, chaos, anarchy and I pray for it's arrival.  I pray for the shit to kick humanity in the ass so hard that there is rectal bleeding, and the only way to survive it is to take away our need for greed.  Remove the cement and steel and live the way we were supposed to.  With the trees in the forests, jungles, and among the meadows and fields.

these are the symptoms I experience. If you have them too, know you are not alone:

• Depression
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Hopelessness
• Lethargy
• Drastic Appetite Changes
• Sleep Disturbances
• Low Sex Drive
• Anti Social Behaviour
• Isolation
• Inability to maintain or gain meaningful relationships
• Lack of focus
• Strong Dreams/Fantasies
• Yearning to go into a people free forest
• Skin Eruptions
• Breathing Disorders 
• Extreme Loneliness

Now this is not a complete list, and having any of these on their own is not indicative of City Sickness.  This is simply what I have been suffering from for the last 2 years, and it is getting worse.  I am not a doctor, but I do hope a doctor or medical student sees this, and learns about Urban Illnesses on Mental Health.  I feel that there is not secular illnesses anymore, but rather these are symptoms of a much larger problem.

What I propose, is that there be an organization put in place to raise money so that those with City Sickness gain access to people-less areas to reconnect to their soul, to their very being while here.  Say even mini cabins are built about half a kilometer away from one another in a large park or forest on private property so that those like me may go in isolation of other people and reconnect to the humane part of being human.


~ A soul entry of Arthena Sophia